i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
