i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
