It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
