margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
