she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Ketchup is God's man juice
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
