I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
