hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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