Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
