It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
