If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
My balls are so social today.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
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