Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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