All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
