I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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