Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I touched a dick in church today
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
