Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
