I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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