She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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