AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
