I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
