felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
We smell like vodka and hangover
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