obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
