I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
it hurts more in the daytime
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
