hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
