So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
