new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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