Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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