The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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