I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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