I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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