I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
