I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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