I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Randomize
