Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just found puke in my bra..
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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