my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
