I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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