I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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