you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
