the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
