this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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