If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
