after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
