Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
