Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
