just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
