we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
