Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
