Got a toothbrush?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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