The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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