the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
