I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
