What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
