I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
