Your face is a jimmy john
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
