I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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