You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
