This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
