Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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