Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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