I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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