Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
