He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
