How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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