If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
