I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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