i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
