I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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