I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
