We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
