This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize