id be glad to
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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