forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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