he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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