But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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