So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize