Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
