I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
