Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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