she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
