i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
