I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
