does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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