I met the friendliest cop last night
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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