I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think im going to throw up on grandma
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
