While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize