it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
