Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
