her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
