im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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