she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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