Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
