theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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