ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
