He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
do herpes really smell.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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