Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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