how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
