ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
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