just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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