the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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