I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize