I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
