I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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