Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
