My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
