mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is it penis luge time yet?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
is it fun? or sober?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize