capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
