last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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