went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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