i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
