It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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