Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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