Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
