New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
