Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
