"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
