I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize